Ah life

Life didn't go as planned

 

This pop up today. Something I posted on Facebook about a year back. Reading it again, I it still resonates with me.

Some of you know that I was supposed to take my grade 8 exams yesterday but at 7.30 in the morning, I got a call that said the exam was postponed. Turns out the examiner was sick. Now a few years back, I would probably have had a fit. I still think it’s irresponsible. The board should have had a back-up plan. There’s going to be crazy scheduling now on their part plus all the people including me who took leave off work and off school. The people who put their lives on hold, who paid for classes and studio practices. The implications is pretty big. I don’t think it’s ever happened before. At least not in the 20 years of teaching 2 of my teachers did.

Anyway, just thinking back on my mindset in the past. I’ve always felt my way was correct and if anyone behaved  or thought differently, they were probably wrong and I was so adamant about making sure they see that. And if things don’t go as planned, I’ll get upset for hours after. Nowadays, I shrug off so much more. Betrayal, disrespect, being stood up, they somehow don’t bother me as much anymore. I’ve gone on a path where I’ll do to the best where my influence is and leave the rest. So if I know an information someone has is incorrect, I’ll let them know what i know and leave them to make their own conclusion. If I want my life a certain way, I’ll do the best to head there as best as I could but if things changes, I’ll roll with it.

I applied for a HR job. I knew I wanted to work either with people or with publicity. I ended up getting a job with the company my interviewer went to for his company’s Corporate Social Responsibility programme. I think it’s a better match than what I applied for.

My life still isn’t what I want yet. I’m slowly getting a better picture and in the past few years, it seems I’m drifting in the right direction. Not really in terms of work yet but in terms of social circle. In terms of a job now, It seems a little better than things I’ve done before. It’s slow but all I can do is going step by step forward. I used to live alot in the past. I should have done this or that… Get hung up on words I shouldn’t have spoken. I still do that here and there but I’ve learnt to recognise it better and i’m better able to stop my spiraling nowadays.

Nowadays, I let the past lie as much as I can and give the rest of my resources, including time and effort to people I care about. People whom I don’t feel worth my time, I just ditch them altogether. Any time I waste on someone I don’t like could have been spent on someone I DO like. And the latter will add more value to my life. I do what serves me I guess. Maybe it’s selfish but I can’t force a cow to water. I can tell the cow the water is there but it’s up to him if he want to drink.

Life isn’t what I planned but maybe life has something better planned… Who knows… C’est la vie